part two.. edinburgh..

6 fucking months and it was finally the day we were going to Edinburgh.

Feeling pretty impressed with myself that I remembered to drink 65 gallons of water b4 I went sleep, my hangover was pretty much non existent from the night before.

After waiting for Dan to get his ass into gear, we set off about 8.30am.

The M6 was pretty much fine all the way up. There's plenty to look at pretty much the whole way, The Lakes on your left, Penines on your right. Then when your into Scotland, its just breath taking.










We got into the city just gone midday, found some parking and went to a spot where we could meet Jenks. He showed up about 1 ish, hanging from the night before. We rolled into a really nice place called 'All Bar One' on George Street. We all had a burger of some sort which was lush.
Next, we grabbed the keys to our apartments and parked up nearby.



The apartments were smallish, like premium student accomadation size, all mod cons etc. Really nice balcony and easy access to next door with a hop over the rails.


Only 1 problem, the bastards had not cleaned mine and Tony's room. Nor was there any fresh linen or towels. Gutted.

I soon phoned them up and they said they'd have people over in no time.


Jenks was nice enough to throw us their small hand towels incase we wanted to start getting ready. He's a pilot by the way. And a bellend.



Now, unfortunately, Tony decided that he didn't want to wait for the cleaners to arrive, and just got in the shower anyway, knowing full well he only had the hand towel to dry himself off.


Now, the most disturbing thing about this picture ISN'T the fact that Tony has his ass out, NOR IS IT that I have taken a picture of it.



The most disturbing thing is that, to put the photo on here and not cause a stir, I had to PHOTOSHOP out his johnson.


I stayed patient and waited until the apartment staff brought fresh linen round. We all got ready, had a very brief meeting on the balcony and set off into town.








We went to a LOT of bars. I was supposed to be taking photos of every bar we went in, but I took fuck all of any. Jenks ended up with the most expensive round of the night, coming to just under 30 notes for 4 drinks.

To be fair, they were cocktails, and there was a LOT of alcohol in them.

Edinburgh is fucking gorgeous. Its so strange being in a city, then all of a sudden there's this massive castle up high towering above you.

But, fuck me is it hilly. I had heard from the likes of Lee Evans that the place was hill crazy. There are a lot of steps and steep alleyways all over the place.

At one point, we needed to get to this low level street, and we found this crazy spiral stair case to get there. Sneath leaped onto the stair well at full running speed, followed by the rest of us.
We thought it would only be a couple of flights to navigate, and Jenks started howling out at the top of his voice the Hawaii 5-O theme tune.

We must of nearly all broke our legs multiple times, and we just kept going and going, the stairs were fucking never ending!

Jenks finished the whole song and started again before we got to the bottom. The thing I found most hilarious is that this whole stair well had windows, and the bellowing noise coming from Jenks and dispersed out into the streets below, and once at the bottom of the stair well, we were greeted with a good 20-25 people who had stopped, wondering WHAT THE FUCK was coming down these stairs.

One awesome bar we found ourselves in was a proper old traditional Scottish pub, I think it was called the 'Scotsmans Lounge'. They had a scottish guitar/violin duo band playing live which were really really good. We ended up getting 3 of their CD's as we thought it would be a good reminder of our weekend, and something to listen to on the way home.

Not exactly sure if my order of bars attended is correct, but next we found ourselves in a pretty cool Sports bar that had a Playstation 2 on EVERY table in there, with fifa and the likes set up ready to play instantly.

This is where I finally found the drink I had been told to find and try out, called Baby Guiness. Its actually really nice, a shot of black sambucca topped with baileys. The baileys floats on top so the small shot actually looks like a little glass of guiness.

As the shots were out, I decided that now would be the most appropriate time to crack out our toilet game. And yes, this time we have photo evidence. Cover your eyes if you are easily offended!



Yup, there's some ass right there. I didn't notice til the morning after that Jenks is indeed blatantly gorking at Tonys jewells.


Here is Jenks, during an invasion of a Hen party. Stole the bride to be's tiara thingy and leg thingy. Thingy thingies.




I caught him dancing on a table aswell, all part of a dare. By the time I stopped laughing and got my camera out it was too late. SADFACE.

It was starting to get pretty late now, and we found ourselves at a club that we had managed to get into as VIPs. However, it turned out to just be a con, as the place was pretty much empty, and the VIP bar we got access to was more expenive than the other bars? GAY.
Turns out this weekend was also Tea in the Park, so this was the reason why all the clubs were a little quieter than usual.

We decided to call it a night and head back. Got ourselves a bit of food and walked the short distance. It had been a great night.


Ah yes. Another Jenkins special. Any lift we get in, he presses every fucking button. A 20 second lift ride turns into a 15 minute beat the shit out of a pilot game.


Tony was acting scared that I was gonna keep touching him all night as we were sharing a bed.

"calm down, lets not turn this rape into a murder."

He had nothing to worry about, I had my trusty sleeping bag to prevent any skin contact.

I knew next door Dan and Jenks had a trusty proven Erection Barrier set up in place. For those who dont know, this is a duvet/pillow arrangement down the centre of the bed to prevent accidental genital touching of any kind.


This was the scene when I ninja'd over the balcony rails and sneaked in through the balcony door. Dan later revealed that he had renamed the anti erection barrier that night, to the:

Anti -Stop fucking hugging me - barrier.
lol


I made a lot of noise and got the V's flicked at me once or twice, but about 8.15 is we were all up and sat having black tea / coffee in Dan and Jenks' room. We rofl'd at all the pictures we had taken of the previous 2 nites.

This is one of the parts of our weekend that I love, just relaxing and remenissing of the events unfolded.

We rocked into town about 10am and found a place called 'The Filling Station' that did traditional Scottish and English breakfasts. It was immense. By the time we had finished, it was pushing 11.30 am. Tony and I were still facing a good 6 hour drive back home, with a stop off in Liverpool en route to bin Dan.

We decided to call it and we headed our seperate ways. I took loads of photos on the way back as Dan and Tony had taken on the initial 4 hour trek to Liverpool as named drivers, and I would pilot the last stage back to Melton.




Dan has a few photos aswell but you will be able to catch them and more of mine on facebook.

It was a fantastic weekend. Was sooo funny, and I loved spending every minute with you guys. I don't want to have to wait that long again for it.

EDINBURGH: DONE