part one.. just a quiet one? sure

Wow, so much to tell you about. Splitting this into 2 parts for you to digest easier.

In the next few paragraphs, I'm going to try and explain how I went from "Ok, so, Curry, then a couple of beers and up early for edinburgh"... to being propositioned by a prostitute at 2am.

So, Tony finished work earlier than anticipated, and we agreed to blast off at 2pm. The journey up there was pretty uneventful, just mainly me giving Tony some belly laughs at my recent failings with women.

The M6 turned into a bitch on the last stretch with paranoid cock ends braking for no reason and causing everyone else to brake and slow the whole motorway down. But all in all, we didnt do too bad and got there in about 2 and a half hours.

Dan rustled up a nice Chicken Balti + Naan for us all which was awesome, even if I dropped most down my fucking white top. Best of all though was the bottle of Lambrini he had got in. Legendary.

Now all you tossers saying 'Oooh lambrini girls are we?' Well let me remind you, the slogan goes 'Lambrini girls just wanna have fun'. YES it does say girls. But 'Lambrini guys just wanna get shitfaced quick at home'.

Tony was well up for a strong night out, but after I reminded him of the intended plan of leaving early doors saturday to get to Edinburgh, we quickly realised that it would be better to stay in or just take it easy.

Fast forward 2 hours and we're completly shit faced in an 80s bar. That went well then.

Before this, we did actually manage a couple of hours of responsible drinking, went to a few bars in the centre and then headed down to the gorgeous and trendy Albert Docks. This is a picture of the entrance I took 7 months ago on New Years Eve.


After being in a few places, it became quite clear that we were going to stay on it and get smashed.

There were a lot girls out who were ridiculously covered in fake tan. It was outrageous. However, I landed myself in it with this the first of many great quotes of the weekend:

Me - Shit me, talk about going overboard with fake tan?
Tony - Mate shes half cast?

So, as usual when we are blazing, we decided to find somewhere to have a dance. We are massive fans of Reflex bars, so when we were walking down a street and a girl pounced on us telling us the bar she worked for was having a special offer on drinks AND it was 80's themed, we bowled in.




Buy 1 get one free on VK's was the offer, so we got quite a few of them in.




We must of been one of the youngest groups in there. The place was mainly full of the older generation. At first we were a bit worried but it was blantantly obvious we were the best looking bastards there. So we stayed. LOL



I had this idea when I took a pervy voyer shot of this ridiculous womans crotch. Judge me if you want, I did it cos its fucking funny.





Oh yes, the classic dance moves were there. Bad spins, leeshes, mardy dancing and even a new move called the butterfly net that I came up with.



We also tried to Photo bomb a big group of girls. They were a bright bunch and one of them saw me trying to ninja around the back of them to get into a massive group shot. But it was too late. The flash went off and I was perched in the back, hands raised in the air and tongue hanging out.
By the time she could try and have a go at me, I had disappeared into the Mens room laughing my ass off.

(Which by the way... freaked the fuck out of the guys who were already in the toilets. I was so shitfaced and it was such a good photo bomb, I just couldnt stop laughing. All the way during my piss, to the sink and back out again. Fuck knows what they thought of me LOL)

It was getting a bit late now and we decided to call it a night and go grab some food. Of all places, we ended up at a McDonalds.

Blinded by absolute fucking fury at the LIMITED MENU due to the post midnight visit, I ended up last to order and stuck with a cold big mac, that had been cooked by Captain Cockend.

During this time, Tony and Dan had somehow got riddled into a conversation with 3 retarded women, barely able to stand let alone talk sense. Fascinated by the fact that Dan's job title of 'Ambulance Technician' didn't mean he fixed computers, they asked him about what he usually does...

Drunk girl 1 "So you save peoples lives then?"
Dan "Umm sometimes, I do all sorts, deliver babies..."
Drunk girl 2 Interupts "OMG you deliver babies?"
Dan "Yeah but not very often..."
Drunk girl 1 "So what do you mostly do then?"
Dan "Pretty much going around picking up drunk women"
Me "Bit like now.."
Tony "LOL"

So, after we managed to fuck them off, we realised we had the 1.2 mile bastard up hill walk home of death. Intent of not being pussys and getting a taxi, we walk on.

After having a weird confrontation with some woman who to me looked completely off her tits on drugs, I was informed that I had just been offered sex by a prostitute.

The garbled mumblings of said crack head was in fact, as heard by Dan and Tony was "you want some sex?"

I had no idea what she was saying and just kept saying "EH? what? HUH?" but she soon lost interest.

So, we eventually got back, just after 2am I think. It had been a great night, completely unexpected.

Me and Tony crashed in the living room on respective spare mantress and sofa. I remember thinking that I was gonna struggle getting up in the morning. Then I got a facebook wall comment from Jenks up in North scotland, lashed off his tits saying he ought really go bed, with it being 4.50 am.

My last thoughts before catching some winks : ROLL ON EDINBURGH!













To be fucking continued...