.. since I last... came..... on..... to post. Soooooo
Well, as promised I have done my upmost to make sure that I dont get into the routine of forgetting to post. Which as you can see went really well.
In truth its a recent comment that spurred me on to continue writing as its nice to know someone out there is reading my dross.
I'm not gonna mention anything about the World Cup for various reasons (mainly the whole team being a bunch of useless F*cki*g $%£& *^&"! tos&^$unts)
So, the last time I posted was in February? Feckin Aider. Well, I have full on started work now, which has kept me the most busy. I pretty much work 6 day weeks.
I'm not seeing my buds as much as Id like as Jenks is away fighting rag tops in the desert. Tony is about to put the finishing touches on his decking in the back garden. That wasn't an innuendo promise. I dunno if I told you but Dan, the spaz broke his leg trying to play Rugby. Anyway, hes ok again now after being on the sick about 3 months!
Anyways, on to more pressing matters. During this inactive absense, I have received a few messages from the readers. Some had me in tears (the one about the KFC offers expiring) and some had my blood bubbling (also the KFC letter).
Here are my*** favourite ones for you all to see, and please, keep them coming :)
Hey Chris
Write a new fucking blog already you lazy slut.
- Mel, Melton Mobray
Chris
Please can you settle an ongoing debate between me and the Mrs. She thinks your blog is amazing, and I think its shit. Who's right?
- Ben, Oakham
Staying Drunk,
Coping with the death of my husband has been difficult for me. It would really help if you stop publishing blogs with the word 'John' in them.
- Sarah Weston, Notts
Chrissss!!!
Hows it going man? Idea: Could you start up a classifieds section for people selling weed and a little coke, but, you know, don't call it anything shady. (But don't make it too abstract either, else I won't know you're doing it) Thanks a lot.
- Jay, Lesta
Dude -
Just play along, my Mrs thinks I'm doing my accounts! lolllll
- Phillip, Melton
Dear Staying Drunk,
Is there anyway to get a message to the person who writes the blog? Thanks
- Linda Demps, Bolton
Hey Chris
Tenerife is beautiful this time of year.
- Tom, Tenerife
Chris,
Its Pete who owns PETES PIZZAS on CHURCH STREET. Advertising on blogspot is really expensive so I can't let anyone know that PETES PIZZAS, which is OPEN LATE, is offering FREE GARLIC BREAD WITH ANY LARGE 2 TOPPING PIZZA.
- Pete, Church Street, (Melton) 755622
Chrisseh,
If you were to be stranded on a desert island, what CD would you take? Someone just asked me that at dinner and I didnt know what to say.
- Gaz, Melton
Dude,
How do you know if a girl likes you? If shes pregnant, does that mean she does?
- Kyle, Melton
Staying Drunk,
Just writing to say Keep up the Good Work! Aw, only kidding. Blogs are gay. Fuck you.
- Anon
Chris @ Staying Drunk
HAHA You opened my email. Now double click the video clip and you'll see you've been RickRolled. LOL
- Geeson
Hey,
Is it my voice or your voice you hear when you read this?
- James, Melton
Hey man,
Whenever me and the girlfriend are having sex, she never laughs at my jokes. What am I doing wrong?
- Stott, Devon
Now Then,
Mate, thanks for sending me those sex tips. They've worked wonders!! Who'd have thought the woman could go on top?
- Ben, Yorks
Chris
I've noticed that you only mention people who compliment your blog. Keep up the good work!
- Zoe, Melton
Hey Chris
I got to thinking the other day about the roles of class status and feminist identity in the works of Sophocles. I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject—preferably 10 to 12 pages worth.
- Sam, Bedford Uni
That is all for now. I hand on heart do intend to update this more often. :)
*** When I say my, I mean ones I saw in another publication.
Sunday 20 June 2010
Monday 8 February 2010
Blogging Away
How eh ye? Sound n that.
How are you all doing? I haven't asked that for a while. I used to say that in my really early blogging days. The reason I havent said it recently is because I didn't care. But today I do. So count your self privaledged.
I'm sat here sprawled out on Len's bed writing this blog. Its not as gay as it sounds. I can totally vouch that Len isn't gay anyway. He's far too tight. ANYWAY
This is kinda spare of the moment as I didnt particulary have anything to write about as I'm saving it for the VIDEO Blog that is upcoming very soon. I've posted a call on facebook for people to help me make the video. So far I think all I really need is a location to shoot it.
I need to have access to film in a toilet which has a good 4-5 cubicles in it. Like this:
I'm not telling you all what its going to be about yet as its supposed to be a surprise, but needless to say it will likely be disgusting, racist, and full of unessessary swearing. SO YOU'LL HAVE TO FUCKING FUCK SAKE BASTARD DEAL WITH IT.
Soooooo...
Sure not badda you alright thanks? You wanna drink no yeah?
As you are aware I'm currently inbetween jobs, and spending most of my days living the life of a typical unemployed bum. That being... getting up late... watching some shit TV.... drinking alcohol... using the bus... stuff like that. Yes, if you are reading this and you do any of the above, then you are also a fucking bum. You heard.
But apart from that, today me and the fellow colleagues travelled to Cambridge for our Induction course to the new company we are working for. Its pretty amazing. They are a big company with loads of cash behind them. And I should be starting a week today :)
So thats all for now dick heads.
Stay Black
How are you all doing? I haven't asked that for a while. I used to say that in my really early blogging days. The reason I havent said it recently is because I didn't care. But today I do. So count your self privaledged.
I'm sat here sprawled out on Len's bed writing this blog. Its not as gay as it sounds. I can totally vouch that Len isn't gay anyway. He's far too tight. ANYWAY
This is kinda spare of the moment as I didnt particulary have anything to write about as I'm saving it for the VIDEO Blog that is upcoming very soon. I've posted a call on facebook for people to help me make the video. So far I think all I really need is a location to shoot it.
I need to have access to film in a toilet which has a good 4-5 cubicles in it. Like this:
I'm not telling you all what its going to be about yet as its supposed to be a surprise, but needless to say it will likely be disgusting, racist, and full of unessessary swearing. SO YOU'LL HAVE TO FUCKING FUCK SAKE BASTARD DEAL WITH IT.
Soooooo...
Sure not badda you alright thanks? You wanna drink no yeah?
As you are aware I'm currently inbetween jobs, and spending most of my days living the life of a typical unemployed bum. That being... getting up late... watching some shit TV.... drinking alcohol... using the bus... stuff like that. Yes, if you are reading this and you do any of the above, then you are also a fucking bum. You heard.
But apart from that, today me and the fellow colleagues travelled to Cambridge for our Induction course to the new company we are working for. Its pretty amazing. They are a big company with loads of cash behind them. And I should be starting a week today :)
So thats all for now dick heads.
Stay Black
Sunday 31 January 2010
An Ode to Honda
Well Fuck me. After just over 4 years, my time with my beloved Honda job has come to an end, 30th January 2010.
The site has been closed down due to it being too big for its boots. As in, not because we are doing too well, but the sites too big for just Honda. Its a real shame as its a lovely site, great location. Just wasn't meant to be!
What follows is a brief look back at, the who, what, why and WTF?!
The original crew consisted, from left to right: Myself, Dave Talbot, Dan Lewin, Mark Dickinson, Darren Doig and Lee Smith. This photo shows us in our characature form.
Dave started 1 day after I did, and Dan showed us both the ropes of the job. Darren was our manager, and Mark was service manager and Lee was the Hyundai salesman. (LOL)
Me and Dan got on really well, had a great time working with him. Back in the day he had a black chavved up Saxo that had a new bodykit on that hadn't been painted yet. It gave us all lots of lols.
As you can see, some days were slower than others. The pic on the right was one of the hottest days of the year. Fab lolley and a cup of water, sat outside in the shade. Win.
Not long after Dan left to go work closer to home at Mountsorrel, we were joined by Ben and Calum. Was weary of new people starting as I had got on with Dan so well, but thankfully, they were sound chaps, and neither of them were as good at selling cars as I am, so I was happy LOL.
Ahh. My own little corner of the world for 4+ years. That ass groove on the chair was hard work. Its amazing to think I literally sat in that chair for a good year. Its true, I worked it out.
The store room. Towards the end, this pit of POS from the past actually got quite hospitable. You could see the floor in there and everything. Good memories in that room though. One time we put as many massive plants in there as we could, closed the door and stuck a Monkey picture on the door. If only we could have gotten Jungle noises to play when anyone opened the door.
Ah, no blog is complete without some casual racism. There's a few people I havent mentioned, and thats only because I don't have pictures of you, lol! Anyways. The past 4 years has been emotional, and I will miss it terribly. On the bright side, Calum and Richard are both coming with me to my new job!
The store room. Towards the end, this pit of POS from the past actually got quite hospitable. You could see the floor in there and everything. Good memories in that room though. One time we put as many massive plants in there as we could, closed the door and stuck a Monkey picture on the door. If only we could have gotten Jungle noises to play when anyone opened the door.
It was mainly used for a place to store stuff we couldn't use, such as this sign :
Ah, no blog is complete without some casual racism. There's a few people I havent mentioned, and thats only because I don't have pictures of you, lol! Anyways. The past 4 years has been emotional, and I will miss it terribly. On the bright side, Calum and Richard are both coming with me to my new job!
Good bye Team Francis, Hello Team Marshalls.
Friday 22 January 2010
Review of the Decade
2010, so far its been a year of change people.
Everything was going hunky dorey.. til January 4th bitched slapped me in the face with the news that come the end of the month - I was out of a job.
Not exactly what I was expecting, seeing as 2009 was the best year since opening. ANYWAY...
A couple of weeks have passed since then, and luckily I've managed to secure employment as of 1st of February, phew.
SOOOOO I decided that this blog shall be a review of the last decade. Its quite a monstrous task. Lots of stuff to talk about. I might even break it down into sections. I know some of my readers are a bit slow*
*When i say slow, I'm just being polite. You know who you are. (John)
Year 2000. 17 years old. Full of enthusiasm and sperm.
I hacked my way through the end of my A levels, got my first full time job. I spent all my money on food and computer games. I turned 18 and had my first legal pint in the Fox pub on Leicester Street. Pint of Boddingtons. My god it was shit. Christ - to think I went there for my first 'legal experience'. I may as well have gone to Amsterdam and paid a midget for a blow job. At least they wouldn't need to kneel.
2001 was pretty eventful. My parents split up, started learning to drive. I went on a once in a lifetime Holiday to Austrailia and New Zealand. My cousin Tony moved in with me and mum, which I thought was ace and mum thought was terrifying. Terrorists played Jenga with some tall buildings in America. Tony moved out again and then I lost my virginity. Well... I say lost. More like dropped accidentally. I placed some ads on Milk Cartons but it remains a mystery to this day.
2002. Im still living at home with my mum, but my girlfriend at the time moves in with us. Blimey that really worked out well. How we managed to all live together for 9 months is beyond me. My job role changed to a website graphics developer. Sounds awesome but I just basically fucked around with Paint programs.
Just as things hit boiling point at home, rather than breaking up... I decide to move out with her and get our own place.
2003. Living with my girlfriend, in our own place.... its fantastic! For about a month. Then I learned about Bills, and council tax. Food shopping. URGH. We were completely broke and pretty much lived on potatos and their various cooked/fried forms. Work promote me and as a result I get my very own company van! It's white, and I spent a week learning about how to be a White Van Man driver. I also started to play guitar this year.My 21st birthday was a surprise party, and so many friends were there. Had a really great time. Was only the day after when I found out I had paid for it all without my knowledge. FML
2004 started off pretty shit. Me and the gf split up and we both moved back to our parents. After a brief attempt at making things work, it finished for good in April. I get back in touch with friends who I haven't seen properly for ages - and so begins possibly the best time of my life. Getting smashed pretty much every week, having the greatest time, meeting lots of people. Driving to Newquay twice in a month was a highlight :) Bough my favourite car ever, Honda Civic Vti and drove around like a bastard all the time. Got into another relationship, but far more healthier than the previous.**ADDITION** Also saw cousin ZOE for the first time in about 10 years. Turns out shes actually pretty cool.
2005 was more of the same. Great times with friends and the gf. Moved in with gf and my cousin Tony and his gf. My second time living with Tony - always a laugh, never any problems. The place we lived in was fucking rancid - but dirt dirt cheap. Eventually sold my pride and joy and then changed jobs and started working for Honda. New company car is a Automatic Honda Jazz. Things could only get better...
2006 was a weird one. Work was good, didn't go out much though. Bought a Smart car with the money from the Civic, and was pleasantly surprised. Met all my friends from up Yorkshire way. Fantastic people, Ben, Vickeh, Sarah, Gemma, Nina etc ... Went on an all inclusive holiday to the Canary Islands, then had a massive bust up with the gf and we broke up. I move back into mums. AGAIN. Fuck sake.
2007 living with mum is actually ok. I sort out my stupid spending habits and crack on with earning money. Went to Amsterdam for a stag do, but was too chicken to smoke anything - so just tried some cake. LOL. Went out a lot again and had a lot of fun :D Turned 25 years old. Was emotional. I had champagne poured over me. I was so drunk at the time that I ran my fingers thru my drenched hair and then licked the excess champagne off my hands. Shameful.
2008 was the year of what if. Me and the ex thought that we had stopped a good thing, so decided to give it another shot. Moved into a really nice place - but it was quite expensive. Had a nice holiday in Tunisia, and a great house warming party. I tried to grow my hair long but I looked like a fucking twat. And I needed to loose weight, fast. Cousin Tony got proposed to and I was gonna be best man. Not best fat man. Things with the gf just wasnt to be, so I moved in with my work mate over Christmas.
2009 was pretty epic. Tonys secret stag do was one of the best weekends of my life. Their wedding was also fantastic. I need to get a copy of my best man speech. Everyone said I came across like I was gay. I laughed, and watched for myself. SHIT. I was totally fucking gay. No wonder I ended up in bed with JENKINS in the bridal suite. Dont worry - we had an erection barrier. Moved back in with mum AGAIN in march... I needed a place to go and she needed help - so it worked at the time. Had lots of good lads weekends, and work *WAS* going really well. Met a fantastic lady and looking forward to what it will bring :)
OK... so that was my decade. From 17 to 27. Seeing it all written down like that - it looks good in places - but also kinda boring. I think I must of missed something out... honest!
Everything was going hunky dorey.. til January 4th bitched slapped me in the face with the news that come the end of the month - I was out of a job.
Not exactly what I was expecting, seeing as 2009 was the best year since opening. ANYWAY...
A couple of weeks have passed since then, and luckily I've managed to secure employment as of 1st of February, phew.
SOOOOO I decided that this blog shall be a review of the last decade. Its quite a monstrous task. Lots of stuff to talk about. I might even break it down into sections. I know some of my readers are a bit slow*
*When i say slow, I'm just being polite. You know who you are. (John)
Year 2000. 17 years old. Full of enthusiasm and sperm.
I hacked my way through the end of my A levels, got my first full time job. I spent all my money on food and computer games. I turned 18 and had my first legal pint in the Fox pub on Leicester Street. Pint of Boddingtons. My god it was shit. Christ - to think I went there for my first 'legal experience'. I may as well have gone to Amsterdam and paid a midget for a blow job. At least they wouldn't need to kneel.
Factual tidbit: Conchord engine blows up on takeoff and crashes.
2001 was pretty eventful. My parents split up, started learning to drive. I went on a once in a lifetime Holiday to Austrailia and New Zealand. My cousin Tony moved in with me and mum, which I thought was ace and mum thought was terrifying. Terrorists played Jenga with some tall buildings in America. Tony moved out again and then I lost my virginity. Well... I say lost. More like dropped accidentally. I placed some ads on Milk Cartons but it remains a mystery to this day.
Factual Tidbits: File sharing program Napster was shut down. First iPod launched. Wikipedia went live.
2002. Im still living at home with my mum, but my girlfriend at the time moves in with us. Blimey that really worked out well. How we managed to all live together for 9 months is beyond me. My job role changed to a website graphics developer. Sounds awesome but I just basically fucked around with Paint programs.
Just as things hit boiling point at home, rather than breaking up... I decide to move out with her and get our own place.
Factual tidbit: President bush choked on a pretzel at the whitehouse and fainted.
2003. Living with my girlfriend, in our own place.... its fantastic! For about a month. Then I learned about Bills, and council tax. Food shopping. URGH. We were completely broke and pretty much lived on potatos and their various cooked/fried forms. Work promote me and as a result I get my very own company van! It's white, and I spent a week learning about how to be a White Van Man driver. I also started to play guitar this year.My 21st birthday was a surprise party, and so many friends were there. Had a really great time. Was only the day after when I found out I had paid for it all without my knowledge. FML
Factual tidbit: Xbox Live launched. Saddam Hussains statue torn down in the center of Baghdad.
2004 started off pretty shit. Me and the gf split up and we both moved back to our parents. After a brief attempt at making things work, it finished for good in April. I get back in touch with friends who I haven't seen properly for ages - and so begins possibly the best time of my life. Getting smashed pretty much every week, having the greatest time, meeting lots of people. Driving to Newquay twice in a month was a highlight :) Bough my favourite car ever, Honda Civic Vti and drove around like a bastard all the time. Got into another relationship, but far more healthier than the previous.**ADDITION** Also saw cousin ZOE for the first time in about 10 years. Turns out shes actually pretty cool.
Factual tidbit: Massive Tsunamis strike indonesia.
2005 was more of the same. Great times with friends and the gf. Moved in with gf and my cousin Tony and his gf. My second time living with Tony - always a laugh, never any problems. The place we lived in was fucking rancid - but dirt dirt cheap. Eventually sold my pride and joy and then changed jobs and started working for Honda. New company car is a Automatic Honda Jazz. Things could only get better...
Factual tidbits: Youtube goes live. Crazy Frog ringtone advert gets censored from complaints that you could see the frogs penis.
2006 was a weird one. Work was good, didn't go out much though. Bought a Smart car with the money from the Civic, and was pleasantly surprised. Met all my friends from up Yorkshire way. Fantastic people, Ben, Vickeh, Sarah, Gemma, Nina etc ... Went on an all inclusive holiday to the Canary Islands, then had a massive bust up with the gf and we broke up. I move back into mums. AGAIN. Fuck sake.
Factual tidbit: Facebook blasted off. Zidane headbuts an Italien during the world cup.
2007 living with mum is actually ok. I sort out my stupid spending habits and crack on with earning money. Went to Amsterdam for a stag do, but was too chicken to smoke anything - so just tried some cake. LOL. Went out a lot again and had a lot of fun :D Turned 25 years old. Was emotional. I had champagne poured over me. I was so drunk at the time that I ran my fingers thru my drenched hair and then licked the excess champagne off my hands. Shameful.
Factual tidbit: Government announce a 2p cut in income tax. Maddie McCann is kidnapped.
2008 was the year of what if. Me and the ex thought that we had stopped a good thing, so decided to give it another shot. Moved into a really nice place - but it was quite expensive. Had a nice holiday in Tunisia, and a great house warming party. I tried to grow my hair long but I looked like a fucking twat. And I needed to loose weight, fast. Cousin Tony got proposed to and I was gonna be best man. Not best fat man. Things with the gf just wasnt to be, so I moved in with my work mate over Christmas.
Factual tidbit: Guy in America commits suicide live on webcam to thousands of viewers. Season finale?
2009 was pretty epic. Tonys secret stag do was one of the best weekends of my life. Their wedding was also fantastic. I need to get a copy of my best man speech. Everyone said I came across like I was gay. I laughed, and watched for myself. SHIT. I was totally fucking gay. No wonder I ended up in bed with JENKINS in the bridal suite. Dont worry - we had an erection barrier. Moved back in with mum AGAIN in march... I needed a place to go and she needed help - so it worked at the time. Had lots of good lads weekends, and work *WAS* going really well. Met a fantastic lady and looking forward to what it will bring :)
Factual tidbit: Michael Jackson died. Rage Against the Machine claim the music chart for Christmas no1.
OK... so that was my decade. From 17 to 27. Seeing it all written down like that - it looks good in places - but also kinda boring. I think I must of missed something out... honest!
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